![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Bye bye, GenCon
Aug. 2nd, 2007 05:00 amSo, a few weeks ago I was talking with a friend of mine. He was planning trips to conventions, including NASFIC this weekend, and GenCon a few weekends from now, and he invited me to carpool to both of them with him. I was quite happy about this, and made plans accordingly. I was quite excited about being able to hit GenCon again.
But earlier this week, while making preps for NASFIC this weekend, I asked him about what the plans were for the GenCon trip, and he said he and his wife would be going alone. Apparently he'd forgotten he'd even made the offer—and, not wishing to endanger the trip to NASFIC this weekend too, I didn't press the matter.
I don't begrudge him the right to do GenCon solo with his wife. I just wish he hadn't gotten my hopes up about it. I suppose I could take the bus again, as I did last year, but what with skipping a day of work for this weekend's convention already, plus having to skip two more for GenCon if I got to go, I just couldn't afford to spend the extra money this month—and the experience I had with the bus last year makes me loath to take it again. So I posted on a local gaming site and on GenCon's forum asking for a carpool—and of course no carpool offers arrived. And if none do by tomorrow, I doubt I'll be going; I'd have to ask for the days off two weeks in advance of when I need them, and that window ends tomorrow.
I had thought I was over the whole thing. Honestly I did. It's not the end of the world or anything; there'll be other GenCons, and perhaps by then I'll have a better-paying job and can afford the time off. But tonight I had a vivid dream that NASA was doing astronaut try-outs and they were going to send someone who showed up into space, and I was absolutely positive they'd pick me if I could just get there. I had a dead certainty, in the dream, that I even had some experience, that I'd done 4 flights in a single-seat space capsule a few years back for some reason. Only, none of the people who were leaving now from the very same room with me would take me along. One of them even told me to my face that it was because they didn't like me. After the dream ended, my drowsy mind matched this up with the GenCon situation, and I woke up just now, in the middle of the night, with a bone-deep sadness about the unfairness of it all that wouldn't go away, and wouldn't let me get back to sleep.
So I got up and poured it out here in the hope I could maybe get some rest.
I don't know why it just hit me so hard now, in the middle of the night. I thought I'd dealt with it, and I really don't want it to cast a pall over NASFIC this weekend.
Sometimes I can really see what the Buddhists mean about eliminating desire because desire causes suffering.
But earlier this week, while making preps for NASFIC this weekend, I asked him about what the plans were for the GenCon trip, and he said he and his wife would be going alone. Apparently he'd forgotten he'd even made the offer—and, not wishing to endanger the trip to NASFIC this weekend too, I didn't press the matter.
I don't begrudge him the right to do GenCon solo with his wife. I just wish he hadn't gotten my hopes up about it. I suppose I could take the bus again, as I did last year, but what with skipping a day of work for this weekend's convention already, plus having to skip two more for GenCon if I got to go, I just couldn't afford to spend the extra money this month—and the experience I had with the bus last year makes me loath to take it again. So I posted on a local gaming site and on GenCon's forum asking for a carpool—and of course no carpool offers arrived. And if none do by tomorrow, I doubt I'll be going; I'd have to ask for the days off two weeks in advance of when I need them, and that window ends tomorrow.
I had thought I was over the whole thing. Honestly I did. It's not the end of the world or anything; there'll be other GenCons, and perhaps by then I'll have a better-paying job and can afford the time off. But tonight I had a vivid dream that NASA was doing astronaut try-outs and they were going to send someone who showed up into space, and I was absolutely positive they'd pick me if I could just get there. I had a dead certainty, in the dream, that I even had some experience, that I'd done 4 flights in a single-seat space capsule a few years back for some reason. Only, none of the people who were leaving now from the very same room with me would take me along. One of them even told me to my face that it was because they didn't like me. After the dream ended, my drowsy mind matched this up with the GenCon situation, and I woke up just now, in the middle of the night, with a bone-deep sadness about the unfairness of it all that wouldn't go away, and wouldn't let me get back to sleep.
So I got up and poured it out here in the hope I could maybe get some rest.
I don't know why it just hit me so hard now, in the middle of the night. I thought I'd dealt with it, and I really don't want it to cast a pall over NASFIC this weekend.
Sometimes I can really see what the Buddhists mean about eliminating desire because desire causes suffering.
