Is it too late to get a good fence?

[robotech_master]

I've only been up about three and a half hours, and my day has been more kafkaesque than most whole months. It has to do with my next door neighbors—a young woman and her boyfriend, both of whom are African-American—and a court date I had today.

When they first moved in, our relationship didn't get off on the right foot to start with. They kept thumping on my wall, because they felt I was playing my stereo too loud. It's true that the walls are just about as thin as a Japanese paper house's, but I always felt I was playing at a reasonable level. They did not feel so, however, and it culminated in an angry lecture at my front door from said neighbor, after which I tried to make sure the volume was even lower than I considered reasonable.

I thought our relationship took a slight turn for the better when several months ago, I was called over there to help clean up broken glass from a smashed TV set during boyfriend troubles. At that time, the neighbor asked me, if you hear any commotion from over here, call 911, because she was afraid of what her boyfriend might do to her. And I've been dutifully doing that ever since, because she never told me to stop.

This went on up to a month or so ago, at which point she berated me angrily for calling police on her due to the noise, as she now has a citation for disturbing the peace. Which rather startled me, because I was only doing what she told me to do. I apologized profusely, wrote a lengthy note on the response form I got from the prosecutor's office regarding the citation explaining that it was all a misunderstanding and I'd just as soon the citation be dismissed (if it had been about the noise, I could just have thumped on the wall the way she did me).

But a couple of weeks ago I got subpoenaed for today anyway as a witness. So, after transferring to the wrong bus and having to pedal like mad to reach the court building in time, I went into court today, to explain to the prosecutor I'd like the case to be dismissed. I met my neighbor in the courtroom, tried to explain to her I'm here to try to get the thing dismissed, and she went all passive-aggressive on me until the bailiff told us both to shut up. (A co-defendant in the case was her boyfriend—but he wasn't there. There was a bail bondsman there, explaining (if I heard right) that due to paperwork issues, she was unable to get him released from the jail he's currently in down in Arkansas. Or it could have been an unrelated case that she was discussing with the judge, I suppose.)

The prosecutor came in, the neighbor and the prosecutor stepped into the hallway, as it was her intention to plead guilty due to needing to get out fast due to a family emergency. When they came back in, I went into the hall with the prosecutor to explain again I'd just as soon the charges be dismissed. Between these conversations, I overheard that the reason she was in such a bad mood is that her father is dying in a Chicago hospital and she needed to catch a plane flight in an hour to be with him. We went back into the courtroom, the prosecutor asked the judge to dismiss the case, the judge dismissed it, and the neighbor stormed out of the courtroom without responding to my offered condolences.

On the bright side, I got the case dismissed. On the dark side, I really don't think that associating me with those circumstances did my reputation any good in the neighbor's eyes, especially since I'm the reason she even had to be there in the first place. I'm going to try to avoid her as best I can from now on, but given that we share a paper-thin wall, it's not going to be easy.

Comments

[strix-an-stones.livejournal.com]

Don't lose sleep over it, the woman has problems and you are a convenient pop-off valve for stress. His old man is a dud, her dad is dying and you were just there and convenient.

[erikred.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, I'm so sorry to hear that. It sounds like an amazing case of miscommunication. If it makes you feel better, your neighbor _did_ ask you to call 911, so it's certainly not entirely your fault. That said, I'm sure that doesn't make you feel that much better. :-(

[foomf.livejournal.com]

Every couple has loud fights sometimes, but if they last very long or happen repeatedly over a short period, or get extremely violent with things being broken, that's a real problem.

This has turned into two problems for YOU.

First, she's a disaster ready to happen and (despite my sympathy with her dealing with her father's death) she is directly responsible for every one of her other problems. It was her responsibility to get a restraining order, if she was afraid for her safety, and she should have dealt with it by either getting rid of th guy or getting into couples counseling. She has a boyfriend who breaks her stuff (more than the occasional accident) and who gets into major battles with her, on a very regular basis. He may even be physically hurting her. And, she ASKED for you to call.

In my complex, when the far upstairs neighbors had a bad enough fight that one of them called 911, and the police came, and broke down their door at 3AM, that was the end of their lease. They got to stay the last two months, but then weren't allowed to renew. I was told that this would have been the case had it been the police called for excessive noise. Domestic abuse, however, there had to be either a diversion program ongoing, or the abuser had to be gone.

The second thing: This is a domestic abuse problem. You are not a part of that relationship and should not be inserted into the middle of it. When she asked you to call, you should have said, "I will, but don't get mad at me if this causes other problems."
After the first time you had to call, you should have spoken with her the next day, telling her that you had called, as she asked, and asking if she was OK. This would give you the opportunity to tell whether or not to take the problem up with the apartment managers. If she went psychobitch on you, then take it up with the managers.

Domestic abuse and domestic violence are incredibly dangerous, and if you insert yourself into the middle of them, you can end up dead.
The boyfriend might think he had the right to shoot you for getting the cops on him, or she might (as demonstrated) lose her wits and decide that This Is All Your Fault.

You need to discuss this as soon as possible with the manager of your complex. You may need to put it in writing.
Make sure they know that this has been happening all along, that you were asked to make the calls, and that you no longer feel SAFE with this neighbor, since she has made it clear that she holds you responsible for her problems.

[robotech-master.livejournal.com]

Funny thing...just as I was reading your response, she knocked on my door to meekly apologize for how things had gone earlier today. (I guess she wasn't able to catch her flight, or otherwise decided not to, assuming there actually was one.)

[foomf.livejournal.com]

Yeerp.

You still need to protect yourself, given the situation - this is Bipolar Woman.

I hope she's able to get to see her father soon.